Friday, May 21, 2004

The end of diapause, in the search of a diapason.

Wednesday, I used the impossible to implement recommendation - everything in moderation. What a silly phrase. I apologize for succumbing to employing euphonious euphemisms; especially for using one I realize I am actually diametrically opposed to, by my nature. I don't do much of anything in moderation. It's part of what makes me loveable and/or obnoxious, depending on how we relate.

It's slightly interesting how, after getting in the habit of blogging, I've slowly begun to consider, more deeply, what makes me tick. The process has evolved through deciding which current thoughts, interests & opinions, are appropriate for me to publicly write about. Some bloggers seem to have done a better job at formalizing this effort, by creating subject categories for themselves. Each new entry falling into it's appropriate cross-referenced folder. I've informally done this, but without the structure.

A fellow blogger recently mentioned how it really is like a diary, where he will be able to look back later on and see what he was thinking about, during these insane times. That makes a lot of sense to me. But I just noticed my earliest messages aren't archived. Figures; I'm sure it's operator error. My apparently ephemeral entries seem appropriate though - they go with the intangible nature of the internet and with my approach to life. Everything all the time and nothing is meant to last.

All this taking stock of life and meaning was brought about through two, probably related, existential influences. The first was bereavement. The second is part of the manifestations of mid-life. Both are serious inducements towards course corrections. How to explain, or categorize, the nature of these new directions, without seeming to toot my own horn (I'll never not feel embarrassed by that), or to proselytize? I guess I can try summing it up in a generalization. In that way, I don't have to actually say what I'm doing! It is: finally accepting the DIY ethic isn't the only way to self-awareness and fulfillment. Reaching out and engaging - doing for and accepting from - others in my communities I find myself in, either via birth-right, or interest. My (many) natured and nurtured worlds.

Is there any answer? Is it found everywhere, or nowhere? That remains the question.

And the heron came back this morning. Patience!


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