Monday, April 28, 2003

The ultimate weapon

Ol' Vern pointed me to a New York Times April 26 article, "The Monk in the Lab,"
by TENZIN GYATSO (aka the 14th dalai lama). Here's an excerpt:

Experiments have already been carried out that show some practitioners can achieve a state of inner peace, even when facing extremely disturbing circumstances. Dr. Paul Ekman of the University of California at San Francisco told me that jarring noises (one as loud as a gunshot) failed to startle the Buddhist monk he was testing. Dr. Ekman said he had never seen anyone stay so calm in the presence of such a disturbance.

Which suggests the following possible vignette, taking place down in the Situation Room:

Wolfowitz to Rumsfeld:

" Sir, if we let this - this weapon of mass mindfulness - get into the
hands of our enemies, it would render all our Shock and Awe tactics
utterly useless.

" Furthermore, if the enemy became englightened, what would stop them
from using the advanced weaponry of compassion, moderation and
humility against our troops? I've studied their manuals. They say: if
compassion, then courage. If moderation, then generosity. If humility,
then leadership.

" Don. I'm tellin' ya, they're everywhere too. Silent cells even exist
here, the the God-damn Fearing USA. They communicate in strange
elliptical logic. They use a code, something called koans. The boys
over at Foggy Bottom have been working 24x7 trying to crack them, but
they defy basic logic. Sneaky shits! They're not big meat eaters, they
don't consume all that much of anything. They don't fear police
tactics - they try to 'reach out' to them, fer chrissakes. I'm telling
you, this is a seriously dangerous group to the American way of
business, er, way of life.

" I suggest we get a call into Raytheon pronto. Get them working on an
optical munitions sensor that will home in on orange bathrobes. Sure,
we'll have a little collateral damage. But anyone who otherwise wears
orange is either an alternative society type, or nuts, anyway. Next,
we start a campaign to build popular hatred towards this Dalai Lama
guy - he's been seen many times with Richard Gere. He doesn't smoke -
the NYC folks will rally against him, just on that. No drinking, no
sex - I mean, he's probably been to Neverland! Clearly, the guy is
evil axis material."

Rummy to Wolfie:

" Shit yeah. Keep the targets coming, boyee!"


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